FOOM or FOMO

every AI take is one of two species. a field guide.

Painted plate of two birds with identical silhouettes perched back to back on one branch at dawn — one amber and rose, facing the bright horizon; one indigo and slate, facing the receding night.
PLATE I — the two genera. one silhouette, opposite aspect.

Key to the species

Identification proceeds by couplet, as in any serious guide. Answer as the subject would — or, if the subject is you, honestly. Three to four couplets suffice; every take keys out.

The plates

Complete in ten. Painted from field descriptions.

genus FOOM

the accelerationists · fear of an intelligence explosion

  1. Painted specimen plate: a streamlined amber and rose swift-like bird caught mid-launch, body arched into a steep upward curve.

    Accelerandus maximus

    the Greater Curveswift

    Posts the exponential curve. Believes the curve. Becomes the curve.

    • obs. 2012
    • call “it’s happening.”
    • habitat the timeline, 3am
    • status abundant, increasing
    • similar Restanxietas perpetua — also awake at 3am; distinguished only by direction of gaze.
  2. Painted specimen plate: an upright amber heron-like bird frozen mid-step, one leg raised, neck craned at the horizon.

    Singulatum inevitablis

    the Next-Year Heron

    Dates the singularity to next year. Has done so, at next year, every year since 1993.

    • obs. 1993
    • call “any day now.”
    • habitat the essay, 2000 words
    • status stable since 1993
    • similar Strategista missam — both hold a position indefinitely; only the tense differs.
  3. Painted specimen plate: a dignified amber and rose bird whose long tail curls up and over its head in one perfect closed loop.

    Recursivotia infinitum

    the Loop-tailed Whydah

    Describes the loop in which the system improves the system. Maintains the loop is already closed, offscreen.

    • obs. 2017
    • call “the loop is closed.”
    • habitat the whiteboard
    • status self-reinforcing
    • similar Cordoniata perimeterum — each constructs a perfect closed figure; one calls it progress, the other preparation.
  4. Painted specimen plate: an angular amber bird with tail feathers graduated in stepped lengths like a staircase, head tilted back.

    Computum ultimatum

    the Stair-tailed Plotfinch

    Reads the log plot as law. When the line bends, redraws the axis rather than the forecast.

    • obs. 2018
    • call “check the log plot.”
    • habitat the dev channel
    • status axis-dependent
    • similar Toolerius dilemmaticus — both defer to charts; distinguished by whether the chart commands motion or prevents it.
  5. Painted specimen plate: a stern hawk-like bird in amber and rose standing perfectly vertical, wings folded, gazing level at the viewer.

    Orthogonalia divergentis

    the Barometric Hawk

    Treats human relevance as a countdown. Reports the remaining count with the calm of a barometer.

    • obs. 2015
    • call “exponentials are not polite.”
    • habitat the lecture, slide 14
    • status composed
    • similar Tabulus unreadum — both are archivists of the future; one counts it down, one files it away.

genus FOMO

the left-behind · fear of missing out on one

  1. Painted specimen plate: a small plump indigo wren with ruffled feathers, head swiveled fully over its shoulder, one wide alert eye.

    Restanxietas perpetua

    the Common Tabwren

    Holds forty tabs open and reads none. Assures the group chat everyone else has read all forty.

    • obs. 2020
    • call “am I too late?”
    • habitat the group chat
    • status abundant, restless
    • similar Accelerandus maximus — also awake at 3am; distinguished only by direction of gaze.
  2. Painted specimen plate: a round slate-blue thrush perched atop an immaculately tidy stack of leaves and seed pods, gazing away from it.

    Tabulus unreadum

    the Later Thrush

    Opens a paper each morning and files it, unread, into a folder named “later.” The folder is now four digits long.

    • obs. 2021
    • call “I’ll get to it.”
    • habitat the reading list
    • status accumulating
    • similar Orthogonalia divergentis — both are archivists of the future; one counts it down, one files it away.
  3. Painted specimen plate: an indigo plover standing at the exact center of a neat complete ring of small pebbles, looking down at the ring.

    Cordoniata perimeterum

    the Perimeter Plover

    Keeps a list of what must be understood first. The list is the whole field; the list is also the wall.

    • obs. 2022
    • call “just need X first.”
    • habitat the Notion board
    • status enclosed
    • similar Recursivotia infinitum — each constructs a perfect closed figure; one calls it progress, the other preparation.
  4. Painted specimen plate: a slate-grey finch perched precisely midway between two identical seed heads, head cocked, angled toward neither.

    Toolerius dilemmaticus

    the Undecided Finch

    Watches the framework leaderboard instead of shipping. Has shipped nothing for three quarters.

    • obs. 2023
    • call “or the other one?”
    • habitat the Reddit thread
    • status perched
    • similar Computum ultimatum — both defer to charts; distinguished by whether the chart commands motion or prevents it.
  5. Painted specimen plate: a small indigo owl holding perfectly still, wings folded tight, eyes half closed, feet planted on a milestone-shaped stone.

    Strategista missam

    the Playbook Owl

    Concurs the playbook is settled. Concedes equally that it was missed. Holds position while playbooks move.

    • obs. 2022
    • call “figuring out my approach.”
    • habitat the strategy doc
    • status holding
    • similar Singulatum inevitablis — both hold a position indefinitely; only the tense differs.

Both species are the same animal. FOOM fears the explosion; FOMO fears the bench. The behavior is identical — fear, facing opposite directions — catalogued here under two genera only because the field has only ever recorded two.

Painted plate: a small mixed flock of amber, rose, indigo and slate birds flying together in loose formation toward a rising sun.
PLATE XII — Spes gregaria, provisional. insufficient specimens for classification. sightings increasing.

A third behavior has been observed, though rarely. It looks like hope, and it moves in groups. takeofftogether.org